November 2009
82 posts
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The World Series
The Bear Jew won the first World Series by hitting a ball so far it never came back. Out of mercy, he opted never to come back again, as he would only make the other competitors cry.
via whattheycallreality
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Tiger Woods challenged the Bear Jew to a long drive contest. Tiger’s ball went 356 yards, the Bear Jew’s ball exploded on impact with the club, killing thousands.
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The 7th Day
And on the seventh day, God rested…until the Bear Jew told him to get back to work, in which he replied: “Yes, sir!”
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Marsellus Wallace once met the Bear Jew.
He doesn’t like to talk about it.
via mobfia
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The Bear Jew can talk about Fight Club.
via anon
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Even Shakespeare knew the Bear Jew is awesome.
When Shakespeare was writing The Winter’s Tale, the original stage direction was supposed to be “Exit, pursued by the Bear Jew” but he had to change it because he knew the Bear Jew would be too scary for the audience!
And because no actor was brave enough to take the part of Antigonus.
via rubberbandgirl
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The Bear Jew does not take showers.
He takes blood baths.
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Bat Friday
What the Germans call the day after Thanksgiving because the Bear Jew goes back to killing Nazis after taking Thanksgiving off.
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Donny the Bear Jew (to "Frosty the Snow Man"
Donny the Bear Jew Was a jolly, happy soul With a straightedge blade for a damn good shave And a big bright barber’s pole Donny the Bear Jew Ain’t a fairytale, okay? He’s a Boston joe but the Nazis know How he came to France one day There must have been some mojo In that old wood bat he found For when he took it in his hand He began to smash and pound Donny the Bear Jew Was alive...
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At Thanksgiving this year, I’m giving thanks for the Bear Jew. Just for the fear that if I give thanks for anything else, he might bash my head in.
via Swingin Sista
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The Bear Jew has chocolate flavored cum. This is one of the reasons why women will line up to blow him.
via ickynicky
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Elvis Man Beatles man
The Bear Jew is the only man in the world who is both an Elvis Man and a Beatles Man.
via Julian Zaragoza
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Emergen C
The Bear Jew invented Emergen C with the special powers conjured by his baseball bat.
via 30seconds2emma
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Fuck team Jacob and team Edward. I’m team Bear Jew.
via dionysos morrison
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Carmen Sandiago is no match for the Bear Jew
The Bear Jew always knows where in the world Carmen Sandiago is.
via tragickingdom
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The Bear Jew ALWAYS knows where Waldo is.
via Anonymous
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When the Bear Jew plays “Guess Who”, he doesn’t ask any questions. He stares at his game board until all the pieces flip down in fright, except for one. And that one, without fail, is the person you chose.
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Correction: The Bear Jew invented sperm banks, and they actually only use his. He only lets other guys go there to make them feel better about not being him.
via whattheycallreality
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As a poor college student, the Bear Jew went to the local sperm bank to make some quick cash. He retired later that day.
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Yoda had one son. He gave him the gift of the bat. That son had 2 sons. He gave one the gift of pitying fools and the other the gift of the roundhouse kick.
via dionysos morrison
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The Bear Jew is the reason for Attention Deficit Disorder. There is no way anyone can pay attention when they know the Bear Jew is lurking.
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The Bear Jews only feared enemy is glitter.
[Story is still unfolding but for more information visit @eliroth on twitter.]
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Oscar predictions: Inglourious Basterds will win... →
(via fuckyeahbasterds)
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Location
Dear people,
Help! The Bear Jew is right behind meauigpbdfagibafdpiadbgubap;df
This is the Bear Jew. No one alerts of the location of the Bear Jew except the Bear Jew. You’re next.
via whattheycallreality
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It's not "May the force be with you."
It’s may the Bear Jew be with you. Because if he’s not on your side, you’re screwed.\
via Brandnizzle217
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The Bear Jew read Lady Gaga’s poker face.
via speedingheart
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Scrabble
If you spell ‘Bear Jew’ in Scrabble, you win FOREVER.
via Nena
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When the Bear Jew punches people in the face, their brains explode out of the back of their head. When he hits people with his bat, their entire bodies explode.
via paulmason
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Breakfast
The Bear Jew eats nails for breakfast, just for fun, since he doesn’t need to eat.
via whattheycallreality
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The song “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” used to be about the Bear Jew. They changed the lyrics because adults and children alike would cry every time they heard it.
via Anonymous
Sylar..... IS THE BEAR JEW!?
Even Sylar dreams of being the Bear Jew.
TRUTH!
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